Communication and assertiveness

Communication

Pain can impact our relationships with other people in a number of ways. It can lead to us feeling as if we need or want to shut ourselves away. This can lead to us feeling isolated. Isolation can lead to you feeling lower in mood. It can also cause practical day-to-day difficulties which can lead to feelings of frustration.

Sometimes the people around us may do things (or not do things) that make it hard for us to manage our pain. This can impact on our mood and leave us feeling frustrated, down or stressed. Being open and honest with those around us can be a really important part of managing persistent pain. This can be difficult for many people, however.

It can be important to build up a network of people around you who understand your pain and can provide help and support when you need it. You might want to share some of the information and resources on this website with family and friends to help build their understanding.

It can also be helpful to think about how you communicate with the people around you. Many of us can be used to putting the needs of others ahead of our own, and this can make it difficult to communicate our needs.

Assertiveness

Assertiveness is a way of communicating, which involves expressing your point of view in a way that is clear and direct, while still respecting others. Communicating in an assertive manner can help you to minimise conflict, to control frustration and anger, to have your needs better met, and to have more positive relationships with friends, family and others. The following tips might help you to think about how you could be more assertive in your communication with other people:

State your point of view or request clearly
Tell the other person how you feel as honestly as you can and remember to listen to what they say as well
Think about the tone and volume of your voice. How you say something is as important as what you say
Speak at a normal volume, rather than a shout or whisper, and make sure that you sound firm but not aggressive
Make sure your body language matches what you are saying. The person that you are speaking to will get mixed messages if you are speaking firmly while looking at the floor, for example. Try to look the other person in the eye, stand tall, and relax your face.
Try to avoid exaggerating with words like always and never. For example: You haven’t cleared up the dishes that you have used today, and it is the third time this week, rather than: You never clear up after yourself!
Try to speak with facts rather than judgements.

Use “I Statements” as much as possible, to tell the other person how you feel rather than be accusing. For example: When you leave your dishes on the table, I feel frustrated because I don’t like the mess but don’t want to clean it up for you, rather than: You’re such a pig!
Practice often - assertiveness is a skill which you need to practice in many different situations. And don’t forget to praise yourself for your good efforts!

You can learn more about assertiveness by attending the assertiveness course, bookable on Access Therapies Fife.

Book the assertiveness course